Music at the end of the world
The world stopped last week
And it felt just as it was supposed to.
Just as it’s supposed to feel when you find yourself sitting beside the sun,
Or sitting beside hope.
And when the world stopped, it rid itself of everything.
It was empty,
completely and entirely,
all except for me and the sun and the chords that connected our souls together.
And there we sat, floating on a mist of clouds somewhere that wasn’t known to either of us.
Somewhere that was new and created just for us.
And in the vastness of the empty abyss, suddenly there was music.
And suddenly he was no longer the sun, but a song.
Suddenly, he became the kind of song you could play forever.
The kind of song you’d have memorized after one listen.
After one stare
After one blink of an eye.
And so, when the world stopped last week,
and his song was the only sound being heard,
I finally understood it all.
I really like the metaphors in this poem. "the chords that connected our souls together" is quite lovely, and I also like "floating on a mist of clouds." The title also draws the reader in (and makes me think of Umbrella Academy season one, haha). I feel like I need to spend more time with the poem to understand it completely, though that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Also, I am impressed with the way I feel the scene painted before me, even with just the few descriptive words that make the setting clear, like sun and clouds and vast emptiness
ReplyDeleteI like this poem! I especially like the middle parts where you attempt to describe what happens after "the world stops." You make that part seem so new and strange. That is the really interesting part of the poem, and I think that this part could (and should) be quite a bit longer. It's the best part, so sustain is as long as you can.
ReplyDeleteI recommend trying to dwell in the space after the end of the world, knowing that showing this is something readers will be intrigued by. Seriously, this poem is almost a visionary poem, because of how it portrays something that only the poet could see. I love that.
However, I do feel a little bit let down by the last couple of lines. Those last two line are so much flatter and nondescript than the rest: "I understood love" is you telling us what you understand, but since it's just a claim, and you leave the poem alone after that, it doesn't resonate as strongly for me as the rest. It's sort of like ending a love poem with the line: "I love you." It's too on the nose. Show us the knowledge of love or tell us about it. Give us something new to latch onto and appreciate. OR, you could end with an image that attempts to symbolize what the speaker learned in this experience. It's so important that we honor these kinds of moments in life.
beautiful writing! I loved how you forced the comparison between "sun" and "hope", equating those two concepts. I think your use of repetition is effective like repeating "just as it was supposed to" and "somewhere...us."
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this poem, it really flowed. The way "he" goes from the sun to a song, and a "song you could play forever" was very beautiful. I found it very interesting that in this poem, emptiness, which I usually associate with negative emotions became a positive thing.
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