A souls thoughts
I've always wondered why I think about the stars as much as I do.
And sometimes, when I look in the mirror for too long, I wonder if I look too much like my sister.
Then, I would look again and see myself outlined with a marker,
crossed out like the science test I failed back in 4th grade.
Sometimes, I wonder why I resist talking to my sister
and why I have more empathy for dying flowers than for my own brother.
But then I'd remember how he kicked out my front tooth in fifth grade.
But perhaps I could've been nicer to him.
I constantly watch my love and hate dance like the sun and moon for my oldest brother.
I tire easily of staying stagnant, so I feel the need to hunt, gather, and reassemble every part of myself,
in order to become as true and as new as I could possibly be.
And so oftentimes, I'm left wondering if I'll ever know what it's like to be perfectly content.
Then there are the nights I worry that I look too deeply and too closely into God’s Mind.
And I worry my words aren't eloquent or poetic enough to consider my poetry as real as the sun.
And so oftentimes, I'm left wondering if I'll ever know what it's like to be perfectly content.
But then one day, Ariel told me that I was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.
And one time, my best friend told me she loves my eyes because they turn gold in the sun,
And that's the color she always thought was God's favorite.
And one time, I helped an old man pick up his cane, and afterwards, I cried for not helping him sooner.
and on the last day of 6th grade, my teacher cried while saying goodbye to me.
I think a lot about whether or not God has favorites.
I picture Him with a list, circling names with a marker,
And I picture Him whispering to the luminaries while pointing at me.
And yet, I still wonder why I think about the stars as much as I do.
I constantly watch my love and hate dance like the sun and moon for my oldest brother.
I tire easily of staying stagnant, so I feel the need to hunt, gather, and reassemble every part of myself,
in order to become as true and as new as I could possibly be.
And so oftentimes, I'm left wondering if I'll ever know what it's like to be perfectly content.
Then there are the nights I worry that I look too deeply and too closely into God’s Mind.
And I worry my words aren't eloquent or poetic enough to consider my poetry as real as the sun.
And so oftentimes, I'm left wondering if I'll ever know what it's like to be perfectly content.
But then one day, Ariel told me that I was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.
And one time, my best friend told me she loves my eyes because they turn gold in the sun,
And that's the color she always thought was God's favorite.
And one time, I helped an old man pick up his cane, and afterwards, I cried for not helping him sooner.
and on the last day of 6th grade, my teacher cried while saying goodbye to me.
I think a lot about whether or not God has favorites.
I picture Him with a list, circling names with a marker,
And I picture Him whispering to the luminaries while pointing at me.
And yet, I still wonder why I think about the stars as much as I do.
Ohh Nechama, I read this in your voice and I want to hear it, too. This is so raw in a way I aspire to write. Some of the lines are a little long to me, but you're also kind of meta in here about the quality of your poetry, and I like that. Super interesting about the formatting in the beginning. Can't wait to talk through what's going on there. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletethis poem is so rich with emotion and very moving. i think you can tighten up the language in a few lines... i think you could lose a few words from "so i think maybe its fair" and in a few other places.
ReplyDeleteThis was so full of emotion, and deep with philosophical questions. I felt that the way you wrote this really took me through the thought process of the narrator.
ReplyDelete